It's time for another Insecure Writer's Support Group post. I am always amazed at how easily I can list the things I'm insecure about, but ask me to add something positive, and I'm at a loss for words. No matter how much I accomplish, I never stop to enjoy the spoils of my hard work. Instead, I tend to focus on the obstacles I've yet to overcome.
After giving this some thought, I concluded that I am a Negative Nelly. For some reason, which is beyond me, I find that it's often easier to see the bad, than to acknowledge the good. For example, if my son brings home a B on a test, I say, "Next time, lets try for an A." Wouldn't it be better to acknowledge his effort, and be happy it wasn't a "C"? If another writer praises my work-in-progress, I immediately think they didn't read it. Wouldn't it be better to say thank you and enjoy the compliment? Life's too short to look down on ourselves. How can we expect others to have confidence in us, if we don't have it in ourselves? This said, I decided to make a change starting today, and challenged myself to list four things I'm proud of. Here goes nothing.
1) Of course I'll begin with family, which is second in my life, next to God. My husband and I have raised
three impressive young men. Not an easy feat in this day and age.
2) I earned my master's degree, despite having to drive two hours each way to get to school, and raising
three young children.
3) I wrote and published my thesis.
4) I completed three drafts of my novel, each one was an improvement on the last.
There, that wasn't so hard. It only took me thirty minutes to think up four things. If any of you are also a Negative Nelly, then take my challenge. In the spirit of beginning the month in a positive light, I ask you to list four things you're proud of. I'd be interested to read them. No doubt each and every one of you have something to take pride in. Until next time, Happy writing.
Great post, Andrea! It seems to be human nature to focus more on what we haven't done than what we have. I know I do! Love your list. Thanks for a positive post today.
ReplyDeleteHi, Karen, thanks for stopping by. It's good to know I'm not the only one who looks at what I've yet to accomplish. I guess, to some extent, it keeps us going.
DeleteExcellent post Andrea! You are awesome! I absolutely agree with you - we all need to acknowledge how much we achieve a LOT more than we do.
ReplyDeleteA week ago, I was assessed by another teacher while I taught a lesson. During the interview afterwards, the assessor told me I was excellent at giving positive encouragement to children. I then told the assessor how I need to improve as a teacher. Hearing this, she told me that I probably need to give myself as much positive encouragement as I give the children. It was a wake up call and I realised I am too hard on myself sometimes. Thanks for sharing this. Cheers.
Hi Clay, thanks for stopping in to comment on my post. As a person who is also hard on herself, I can relate to what you say here. I'm glad you endeavor to change this. Stay humble, but take pride in your accomplishments. (:
DeleteThanks for visiting my blog.
ReplyDeleteIt's taken me years to be able to say thank you for a compliment. However, with my writing, I've always known something great would/will happen. It's just a question of the rest of the world getting the memo!
If you think about your list for another hour, just think how many achievements you could come up with :-)
That's the first step in success, IMHO. Telling yourself something great will come from your efforts. Most of the time, if we believe we can achieve it, then we will. You have a positive attitude. I could learn a lot from you. Thanks for stopping by. Looking forward to getting to know you better.
DeleteWow! Congratulations on all your accomplishments! I know it might be hard to accept, but you are an amazing women to fit all of that in your life and still manage to write about it. I think you could definitely give yourself some slack. You definitely deserve it. Thank you so much for following my blog.
ReplyDeleteIt's a pleasure, Murres. You're right, it's hard to accept compliments. Nevertheless, thanks for the kind words. Looking forward to getting to know you.
DeleteIt CAN be hard to hang onto the positive, can't it? I think I almost can't let myself, as when I get to a 'you done good' acceptance I feel DONE and I don't want to get complacent. You've done some great stuff, though! Good for you!
ReplyDeleteI agree, Hart. It's difficult to hold onto the positive. I didn't consider the complacency factor. If we don't continue to push ourselves, then we might become lazy. Thanks for stopping by. Looking forward to getting to know you.
DeleteYou should be very proud of your accomplishments, and this is a wonderful exercise that we should all take part in. BTW, if you truly believe that your son is capable of getting an "A" than I think that it's good to encourage him to try harder. It all depends on the person, and some people do need that extra push! I look forward to seeing a lot more of you! Julie
ReplyDeleteThanks so much for the kind words, Empty Nest. You made a good point about the A. Trust me, my son definitely needs a push. Looking forward to reading many more of your posts. Thanks for stopping in.
DeleteThis post really resonated with me--like you, I find it much easier to list my faults or mistakes than to own the good things I've done. It's important not to lose sight of our accomplishments, especially in a tough business like this!
ReplyDeleteSo true, Lara. We should never lose sight of our accomplishments, though, for me this is easier said than done, LOL.
DeleteThanks for stopping in. Looking forward to getting to know you better.
ohhhhhkay.... you are in high gear! driven, determined, devoted.... very impressive! I tend to get in my own way. Negative about self, positive about the world.
ReplyDeleteThanks for the kind words, Green Monkey, and welcome to Aspiring Novelists.
DeleteI get what you're saying here,it's easier to have confidence in other people, than ourselves. Wish I knew how to remedy this. When you figure it out let me know.
I don't know how old you are but that is pretty impressing for any age...Congrats for going for your dreams...I am a bit lazier :).
ReplyDeleteThanks for the kind words, Unikorna. I'm almost 47 years old, sigh. I'm sure your downplaying your accomplishments. No doubt you've probably got quite a list. Thanks for stopping in. Looking forward to getting to know you better.
DeleteIsn't it easy to be a Negative Nelly? I have had short stories accepted and been paid very well for them but did I really celebrate? No, not really! I kind of played it down and let myself feel crushed by the rejections of the stories they didn't like/want. Why do we do this to ourselves? It made me so miserable I changed tack and started writing my novel - so maybe it was a good thing - I've just got to make sure I stay positive about the novel! Glad you found some things to be positive about - try and counter each negative thought with a positive one and perhaps your inner gremlins will give up with the negativity!
ReplyDeleteFirst and foremost, Linda, congratulations on publishing your short story. That's quite an accomplishment. You should take pride in this succes. Also, it's good to know you don't give up on your dreams. You took something negative and turned it into a positive, by starting your novel. Not many people would be able to do that. Sounds like you're more of a "Positive Patty," than a "Negative Nelly." Thanks for stopping by. Looking forward to getting to know you better.
DeleteCongratulations. You should be proud of these wonderful accomplishments!
ReplyDeleteI often find it very difficult to accept compliments... I can even go as far as feeling embarrassed when somebody praises my writing (I know it sounds silly...) Then I wonder if the person is just being kind...
But I'm learning... :)
Thanks,Michelle. It doesn't sound silly at all. In fact, I can relate to your feelings of embarrassment regarding compliments. It certainly takes some getting used to, doesn't it?. Glad you're learning to handle it better. Thanks for stopping in to comment on my post.
DeleteHurray! :D Sometimes it's good to stop and just enjoy what you've accomplished in life. It's easy to get overly critical, especially when you're a writer, and that sucks the fun out of it all. X)
ReplyDeleteRemember to try this every now and then.