This is a great opportunity for one of us to get some professional feedback on our work. If you get a couple of minutes, please stop by Steena's blog and check out some of the other loglines. I've got some stiff competition. (:
After mulling over last night's comments, I revised my logline to include some of the issues that were addressed. The fifth submission is the latest version of my logline. I think it is the best one so far, but hey what do I know? (don't answer that). Anywho, it would be helpful if I could get your thoughts on the piece. Thanks for your time. I look forward to your feedback.
Final one sentence version.
After her father's murder, Soledad Mendoza inherits an ancient mystical weapon that holds the key to stopping her father's evil killer from implementing his apocalyptic plot.
Final Version #5 (two sentences)
After her father's murder, Soledad Mendoza inherits her birthright, a mystical weapon passed down from Job's descendant's to her Mayan ancestors. With the assistance of a mysterious angel, she must unlock the weapon's secrets before her father's killer implements his apocalyptic plot to win the White House, and her mother's heart.