Wednesday, October 5, 2011

WIll It Ever Be Good Enough For Me?

 For this month's Insecure Writer's Support Group post, hosted by the gracious Alex J. Cavanaugh,  I would like to discuss insecurities about pitching my novel.

 After two long years of  hard work, I've finally arrived at a place where I'm pleased with my story.  Although this should make me happy, it doesn't.  I can't get rid of that nagging voice in my mind which keeps asking, what if my perceptions are skewed?  There have been times where I wrote a chapter and thought it was brilliant, only to learn it stunk when I read it a couple days later.  What if this is the case with my story? 

Although the feedback I've received about my novel has been stellar, I can't help but wonder if the readers were being overly generous. It's possible they stretched the truth in order to save my feelings.  Even if the feedback was sincere, it didn't come from experts.  The beta's could have overlooked plot holes, one dimensional characters etc.   Since I'm so close to the piece it's difficult to look at it objectively.  

Now, I've put myself in a position to pitch my novel before I'm sure it's ready.  Although I've grown a crocodile like skin over the years, in two days, I will face a professional in the field.  Somehow I have to still my shaky hands, slow my pounding heart and dry my perspiring fore head enough to give an interesting pitch.  Part of me would be over the moon if the agent liked what she heard and wanted a partial, but the other part, a more insecure part, would sweat the submission.  The pragmatist in me says either she will like what she reads or she won't, but the romantic in me is filled with hope. 

Am I alone in my feelings?  Or are there others who experienced similar fears?  If so, how did you overcome them?  Until next time, happy writing.